| So. Alright.
I've skipped a total of six classes so far this quarter (aka two weeks)
I haven't done math homework in three weeks, and its all due on friday.
I have $10 to get me through until tuesday, or maybe longer if I decide to save my paycheck.
Mom is saying I can't stay an extra week in Panama (although I think my sis will make her change her mind)
Annndddd (and thats a big 'and') I still don't know where I'm going to school
Yesterday mom said "If you don't decide by this weekend where you're going, I'll choose for you"
And this morning she said "If you really want to live in Chicago you could move there after you finish school."
Ughh
But its all okay, because I am taking it in stride.
Or just ignoring it all by slacking even further and not thinking about the giant decisions looming ahead.
Whatever, at least I'm feeling okay.
The good news is:
Friday is possibly chilling with the boys
Saturday is prom shopping with Ella
Monday is Say Anything (!!!!! I can't afford a t-shirt with my 10 bucks, but thats just fine)
Maybe after all that I will start, you know, thinking about life again?
I'll probably be having a nervous breakdown next week when I fully realize, holyshitwhatamidoing?
But for now I'll bask in the glory of the days ahead, in Noodles mac n' cheese and free Ben and Jerry's, of walks around uptown with my favorite chica, and the fact that I might get to have speech with Ricky before the end of the week. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| I feel like life has been pretty uneventful for me the last couple of weeks.
Thats probably good
and also due to my new years resolution (stay away from bad-vibe, negative people and drama)
I'm liking the chill.
Woke up yesterday and the sun was shining.
Spring makes me want to yell and dance, but also to curse mud and the reappearance of dead grass
For the first time in at least two months, the door on my mom's porch unfroze enough so I could go outside and sit and have a conversation with a sparrow (not really, but it was whistling at me)
Can I just mention how much I'd like to wake up tomorrow on an uncomforable matress with the sun shining down on my face through a hole in the cinder-block walls and stumble into the next room for a breakfast of rice and american cheese, eaten while sitting on an upside-down bucket and watching soccer? And then maybe follow that up with a outdoor shower, standing on a slippery rock while trying to shampoo my hair and listen to the animals scurrying about in the trees overhead at the same time. Once that was finished, I'd like to spend the rest of my day riding around on the handlebars of a bicycle, tromping through the honest-to-god rainforest and fields for a swim in a warm muddy river and lazing about in a hammock in the sun, all the while snacking on chorizo hot off the grill and washing that down with some fresh coconut water. As the evening rolls around, I could ideally by found in an open-air bar, joking with some 'cousins' who all wear soccer jerseys and smile at me from beneath baseball caps, sipping on cerveza Atlas, once in awhile getting up to dance some lazy bachata, all before sneaking back into that same two room house, being careful not to wake the little kids, and falling asleep on that matress again.
I've really have to get back there. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I am a champion sleeper.
Having no 1st hour is FABULOUS, if only because I get to sleep for a whole extra hour. Plus, it helps me to wake up when its not pitch black when my alarm goes off.
And then, when I get home, I usually nap.
I may not be able to sleep for long stretches of time (10 hours at most) but I'm up for a nap anytime, anyplace.
I hate feeling out of the loop.
4 months until I'm in Panama!
Screw graduation, I'm just looking forward to this trip.
One week with my mom and sis, in one of the two beachy regions
and then one week by myself :D
Gonna see all mi gente and hopefully mi cholo, tambien.
Cannot. Wait. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Work is exausting.
Its taking the bus downtown after dark three nights a week.
Its yelling everything at the kids twice (once in Spanish, once in English)
Its getting my languages mixed up and being the only person able to understand the 7 kids who don't speak english and want their moms.
Its trying to break up fights and make sure no one has an accident.
Its going up and down the stairs 25 times a night to get drinks of water or take kids to the bathroom.
Its never knowing how many charges are going to show up.
Its getting hit in the face and bitten on the arm.
Its tantrums.
Its screaming.
Its crying.
Its laughing.
I love it. Period.
Every night I end up invigorated by the whole experience, smiling and laughing about the petty little fights I had to deal with and the impossibilities of getting toddlers to listen.
The roof of the Y is honestly one of my favorite places in the world. I go up there on Fridays when I have my break and downtown is all lit up. You can just barely hear the traffic and you can laugh at the ridiculous amount of people stuck in their offices at 8:30 on a Friday night. It looks right out onto Nicollet and you can watch the building-that-changes-color for 10 minutes. Its fabulous to have that little bit of serenity amongst four hours of absolute chaos. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| this week is totally kicking my ass. and thats uncool.
stress+working 4 days+finals+fucking bad head cold=the death of fun.
I have about a million things to finish before thursday, and with all this exaustion and sicky feelings, its hard to sit down and bite the bullet, homework-wise.
Still To Do
1. Econ essay on globalization. 3-4 pages. Due on wednesday (tomorrow)
2. CIS literary event write-up. 3-4 pages. Due thursday
3. CIS field day response. 1 page. Due thursday
4. Math final. Wednesday
Aaaaaand, I work today, wednesday, thursday, and friday (oh yes. every day this week).
Its gonna be AWESOME DD:
I barely slept last night, took some DayQuil at 8 this morning, came home and slept from 12-2, and now my body is all fucked up. I'm exausted, but intensely aware of everything around me at the same time. Can't decide if I need to take more DayQuil to make it through work and then crash when I get home, or to just drink a shitload of Pepsi. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Chips Ahoy! - The Hold Steady | | Time: | 10:02 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/blank.gif) exanimate |
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| 10:00 on a sunday is a lonely hour.
Which is weird because I just spent the last 4 hours with my bff since age 4.
But then when she leaves with her brilliant smile I start to really think about the people around me.
And sometimes I wonder why I'm even making an effort, if it doesnt seem to be appreciated.
I miss the summer before 10th grade sometimes, when things was tightttt.
And every single day, I miss those Germans, those muchachos, and that one moari girl.
Ok. whatevs.
I'm gonna see Ella tomorrow, and she will revive my faith in humanity in general <3 | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Going back to school tomorrow. Not quite looking forward to it, but it should be alright.
Haven't done any homework, but thats alright.
Now that I've been accepted to 4 out of the 5 schools I applied to, I'm just not feeling the whole highschool thing.
And apparently, thats fine with my mom.
I've just gotta take a moment here to boost my own ego (hahaha)
After working my ass off these past three and a half years, I finally feeling like its paying off.
I got straight A's freshman and sophmore years, decent grades junior year, and I sat through that damn SAT twice.
I feel like its okay for me to be proud of myself, and to maybe take a little break from being stressed about school.
I never thought I'd get into Madison, but I did, and so maybe all that studying wasnt a waste of time.
I've got four choices for where I'm gonna end up living the next 4(+) years of my life, and it feels real good.
I'm pretty certain 2007's gonna be a fabulous year. So far, its exceeded my expectations.
I didnt make a resolution for this year, per say. More like a plan.
The plan is to stay out of other people's drama and dont let anyone bring down my good mood.
Fuck you, if you think thats selfish, but I just want to live my next year for me.
No negative vibes, no stressing about things that dont deserve my attention, just being who I want to be and doing things that make me happy.
Speaking of being happy, the other day I got an email from ( this ) boy saying "Te quiero tanto Libby!!!! Te extrano muchisimo!!! Me+you just drinking a couple of beers in front of my house and the walking down to the ocean with Lessia and Lika... and talking all the time!!! Extrano eso!!!!"
So, my life is made. I miss that kid so much. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I GOT INTO LOYOLA!!!
this makes me so pleased.
of course, its not for sure that I'll end up there, but its good to know that I'm in at least one place.
and, it doesnt hurt that they offered me $7,500/year for my good grades :D
Future, here I come! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I'm in beautiful Seattle right now, where its green and about 45 degrees.
My belly is full of overpriced sparkling water and black cod marinated in sake.
My baby cousin (Cooper Flinn Hollands) is banging on the table and yelling.
My sister is sitting on the couch reading.
Life is good.
Its good to get away for awhile.
I left my cellphone charging in my room at home, so there's nothing but my family and my uncles' ridiculous gay friends to deal with.
Oh mom, why do you get drunk when everyone else is sipping at one glass of wine? hahaha
But I got a black iPod and some seriously cool speakers, so I am chill.
Gonna be spending the rest of my break uploading all my music and kickin it with my number one girl.
But for now I'll just be confused by so much rain at the end of december.
I remember last year at christmas when I was sweating and wearing shorts.
That was a holiday I'll never forget.
Playing babysitter to 4 spoiled princesitas, gaudy fake evergreen boughs all over the fence, and then partying it up after midnight mass.
And now this year, I'm away from home again.
Its weird to not have snow two years in a row. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| tra la la la
I just talked to Ricky :D
I was having a mediocore day before but now I am happy.
Amazing how one person can make you feel completely ok.
It doesnt matter that I haven't started my CIS paper, or that I didn't eat lunch today, or that I'm super tired.
It doesn't even matter that our cell phones kept cutting out so we would both be yelling 'Alo?' for minutes at a time.
Nothing could ruin hearing him say he misses me and looks at the picture of us when he feels sad.
I just wish he wasn't working 6 days a week, 10 hours a day and living away from his sister, brothers, nieces, nephew, and mom.
Oh yeah, and I kinda wish I was there with him. Only a tiny bit.
Because I miss my Cholo saying 'ah-cha la vida!' and holding my hand and watching soccer in bars with me.
But its okay. Because I know he's okay. And I know I'll be seeing him in less than a year.
So I'll hold onto that thought and our phone conversations. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I'm feeling pretty good and productive these days. I've finally really started working on college applications, and it takes a lot of stress off me to know where I am applying and have all the forms in front of me and everything. I also am getting better grades than I expected, which is always good. This semester really has to look good on my transcripts and stuff. Loyola University, here I come?
I'm really starting to enjoy my job. Well, maybe not the getting up at 7 am on saturdays part, but other than that....The kids are difficult a lot of the time, but its challenging and rewarding work. Plus, I just got my first paycheck that I am gonna put in the bank for college ($110.82, baby!) so that feels nice. I want to start working more hours once I'm done with applications because taxes are eating away all my hard-earned money.
I miss my babies. So. Much. It hurts really bad. Almost every day when I was in 7th grade I would wake up and put Kayla's hair in those ridiculous braids and pigtails and whatnot before I went to school. I used to fall asleep to the sound of her breathing in her crib next to my bed and wake up at 2 am to fix her bottle and sing to her until she fell back asleep. I used to wrestle with the boys and yell at them. I used to help Deoin with his math and read to Tre. I haven't seen them in over a year and its like this huge chunk of my life is just....gone. I miss them so much and I feel like I'll never get that back.
Yesterday was the anniversary of my dad's death. 12 years. I can hardly believe it. I still miss him.
Wow. This entry has been all over the place. Hooray for complications! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| I know none of you care but....
I AM FUCKING DONE WITH SULA!
good lord, that shit was obnoxious. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | michael jackson | | Subject: | pobre diabla | | Time: | 09:49 pm | | Current Mood: | indescribable |
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| So I went to work today feeling pretty good. Not exhausted, like I usually am, and with only 10 kids there. Things were calm, chill. But then baby Trevon started wailing so I had to bring him down to his mom. I'm going back upstairs when I hear this "Libby?" I turn and who is standing there but Alejandro 'Alex' fucking Guirrez. I'm sure I must have stood there with my mouth hanging open because I was under the impression that he was staying in Mexico for good. Coming to my senses somewhat, I started stomping up the stairs with him coming after me, trying to get me to stay and talk to him. I just kept saying "I have to work, I don't have time for this" and he kept saying "C'mon, girl, you gonna be like that?" He finally stopped following but he had the nerve to make that 'tsst tsst' noise at me, and it made my flesh crawl.
I hate him more than I hate almost anyone.
Seeing him makes me wanna run away and punch him in the stomach at the same time.
And the worst part of it is I couldn't not notice how good he looked.
What an ass. If I see that cocky-ass grin again I will vomit. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 05:16 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/hyper.gif) crazy |
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| PENIS CAKE!!!!!!!!! Why is Brazil so cool? Oh, I know....because und*tss und*tss!!!?!?!?!?!?!
Brazil=Yoshi...do you see the similarities? I thought so. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 09:34 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/growf/pengies/sad.gif) morose |
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| life, life life. seriously. whats up?
today i felt angrier and more betrayed than i had felt in a long time. and apparently i'm still the bad guy in the situation according to some people? Alright...I dont get it.
sorry for trying to be happy and honest?
all i want to do right now is curl up in a hammock with a certain boy, only emerging to swim in the muddy river and eat coconuts.
'paradise lost' is right.
i've been feeling really lonely and antisocial lately. I haven't really been connecting with my friends at all. and yet sometimes i dont even want to make the effort.
fuck people judging me or my relationships when they dont know me. i hate highschool bullshit.
"Amaneció bajo las alas de la muerte
aquéllos brazos de hombre que la aprietan fuerte (fuerte)
todavía le late el alma, el corazón no lo siente ( no lo siente)
Amaneció bajo las alas de la muerte...
De nada vale llorar,
tan sólo queda volar;
Sólo expande tus alas,
coge vuelo y no vuelvas más
Vuela, angelito, vuela" | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I'm supposed to be in 3rd hour right now but I forgot and went to 1st lunch so now I'm just waiting around for 2nd lunch to start so I can eat all over again. Yusss.
So, what else is new?
Went to Madison this past weekend with Ella and had a BLAST. In retrospect, I think I had a little too much fun, because I just stopped feeling sick yesterday -_- Her dad is a sweetie, her brother's puppy is adorable, Pat is fucking hilarious, and I want a brother like Owen. I also decided that I will definatly apply to Madison. I got to see a different side of that city that wasn't all gross gas stations and tattoo parlors. Ella bought me pretzels and 7UP at some gas station and I am forever indebted to her for that.
Happy 18th, sweetie! <3
Mom got the job she really wanted at Open Arms, which is great, but will change a lot of things. She'll be working Monday thru Friday from 1 pm to 9 pm. That means that I will see her for probably only an hour or so everyday, and that we wont be having any more "family dinners". Frankly, I dont know how me and Jae will survive without mom's cooking. I'll miss being able to come home from school and tell her all about my day, but she's really excited for the job, so I guess its okay.
Alright. Bell's about to ring. Maybe I'll write more later? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| school starts in 2 days. and i am not ready for summer to be over.
on the one hand, it seems like the summer flew by really fast, but at the same time, canoeing with Hend in the boundry waters seems like it was years ago.
my schedule for the first semester is:
1st hour - govt/econ with Mr. Nohel
2nd hour - holocaust with Mr. Anderson
3rd hour - senior review with Mr. SIMONS!!
4th hour - CIS lit with Mr. Rathbun
5th hour - AP spanish 5 with Ms. Plante
6th hour - honors physics with Mr. Rozeboom
Comments about teachers or classes? I really dont know what I'm getting myself into....
I'm going to try to switch one of my history classes to 2nd semester because having two in one semester is craziness. I'd also love to not have a first hour, but the chances of that happening are slim at best.
oh yeah. we bought a new computer, which makes me really happy. I can finally burn CDs!
I'm going to Madison in a little while with one of my favorite people in the world. Can't fucking wait.
There's this girl thats got me down. She's the closest thing I have to a best friend right now, and she's mad at me. And I guess I'm mad at her for being mad at me. And I just want to talk to her. But she doesn't want to talk to me. On the one hand I'm frusterated and angry and sad and just want to sulk, but I want more than anything for things to be okay again. Having the person you talked to every day for the past three months mad at you is really awful.
I'm off to watch The Sopranos. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| There's something very serene about driving down by Chicago and Lake Street at midnight on a Monday and knowing that the only other people out and about are drug dealers making the rounds and drunks stumbling on the sidewalk.
The past couple of days have been strange to me.
On saturday night, I hung out with my two main girls and PBR.
It was one of those classic summer nights that I wish I had more of.
I got a little strange and pretty much laid everything out there, to the two people I can really trust right now, on my mom's porch.
A little embarassing, in retrospect, but I meant what I said; best friends, boys, death, everything.
Today, I saw Sean for the first time in FOREVER, which was good.
I miss my cuz when he's not here.
I also hung out with Brazil, which always makes me laugh.
She's a sweetie, and I always end up doing something crazy.
She reminds me of Karla in so many ways, and that makes me smile.
I'm really loving my mom at this moment in my life.
And that feels so good to me. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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